Friday, October 30, 2009
Sketchiest Bahamas Vacation Ever
I Still Know What You Did Last Summer(1998)Directed By: Danny Cannon
Tagline: Some secrets will haunt you forever.
The MPAA said this film is rated R for for intense terror violence and gore, strong language and some drug use. Oh '90's how innocent you are. Your version of intense terror, violence, and gore was Jack Black being stabbed with garden shears. By today's standards, 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer' would be a PG Disney channel original movie. This one starts out with a paranoid Jennifer Love Hewitt being scared of the scary fisherman from the first movie. Her and Freddie Prinze Jr. thought they killed him but they thought wrong. J-Love's friend ends up winning a trip to the Bahamas from a sketchy radio station that they weren't even listening to at the time. So they go and bring some "macho" guys and hope to have a fun, sex charged weekend in an island paradise. Little do they know that this vacation to the tropics, will turn into the vacation from hell......I'm corny. So this movie wasn't too good....at all. I felt like throughout my viewing of this garbage that the only reason it was made was to cash in on the somewhat successful prequel. The script, acting, and kills were all very uninspired and boring. Slasher movies usually pride themselves on how creative they can get with killing young stars. There are some positives to this film though. Jennifer Love Hewitt is in it and also.....wait.....thats the only good thing about this movie. I personally want to say thank you to Danny Cannon for the first couple of seconds of the tanning bed scene. That was a marvelous piece of work. Overall, 'I Still Know What You Did Last Summer' is trash. Watch the first one and then consider yourself done with the series. "I Still Know...' gets a 2/5.
Thursday, October 29, 2009
Quiz of the Week
Last Week's Answer: Boris Karloff; Frankenstein's Monster
What 2006 movie is this gruesome scene from and who is the iconic new killer performing the act?
What 2006 movie is this gruesome scene from and who is the iconic new killer performing the act?
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Scream 2009
Spike's Scream Awards 2009 have come and gone and I have to say I am not that impressed. The opening sequence with the little twin girls was pretty creepy but after that, there was nothing too spectacular. We had the usual celebrity presenters, dressed up audience members, and the typical award giving. I'm pretty disappointed with some of the winners. 'Star Trek' won the ultimate scream award. 'Star Trek'. WTFBBQ. How is that movie/franchise a scream at all? Biggest Blockbuster? Yes. Ultimate Scream? No. Aside from that, I am happy to see 'True Blood' winning almost all of the TV categories. I wish there had been more love shown for 'Dexter', I still think that show is the best on TV right now. The editing that was done from the live taping of the show was terrible. They cut so many award presentations it's unbelievable. I watched this whole show just to see what movie won best foreign film. It was a toss up between 'Martyrs', Let the Right One In', 'Eden Lake', and 'Dead Snow'. All of which were freaking brilliant films(I'm not sure about dead snow because i haven't seen it but i have heard only positive things about it). They cut that part of the show out. 'Let the Right One In' won by the way. Another thing that annoyed me was how much bullshit there was for the 'Twilight' series. Shouldn't that garbage be on like the Nickelodeon awards or some teen choice awards? I understand that the Scream awards are for the best in sci-fi, horror, and fantasy, but i didn't know this was turning into a celebration of teenage inter species erotica. I did like how they payed tributes to George A. Romero and Stan Lee, some of the most influential people in their respective professions. Overall, I wasn't pleased with this years Scream Awards. I hope next year they actually include all of the categories and maybe throw in a Badass concert or something. And I hope all the actors from the 'Twilight' series spontaneously combust so we can be done with all that dumb shit.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Ruin the Original Mythos
The Grudge 2(2006)
Directed By: Takashi Shimizu
Tagline: What Was Once Trapped, Will Now Be Unleashed
Everyone knows that sequels are usually a lot worse than the prequel. 'The Grudge 2' is one example. I absolutely hated the original 'Ju-on' and the American remake 'The Grudge'. Pale little demon Asians do not scare me. The only reason why 'The Grudge' received as much praise from American audiences as it did was because it had that all powerful money maker of a rating of pg-13. Little teenage girls could go see it with their friends, overreact, go out and tell all their friends, and boom, instant cash cow. So with the huge success of the prequel, you would think a lot of time would be spent on making the sequel equally "frightening" and "groundbreaking", right? Nope. This movie made me LOL. Oh my god the Asian boy is on the desk. No way there is a long haired girl in the corner. PUNCH THEM IN THE FACE! Geez they are little pale Asians; kick their asses! Not being scary aside, this movie picks up with Sarah Michelle Gellar's character's sister going to Japan to find out what happened to Buffy the vampire slayer. Shit hits the fan and now the sister has the grudge curse. The movie follows other kids also, as they get cursed and die and become pale. There is one redeeming factor to this movie and that is the all star roster of hotties on the screen. We have Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sarah Roemer, Teresa Palmer, Jenna Dewan, and the lovely Misako Uno. They all get messed up and such and we are left with Amber Tamblyn(the sister) who is tasked with stopping the curse. We find out that the dead Asian curse people were haunting for a different reason than explained in the first movie. Way to ruin what cool and original story you had. I'm not at all a fan of this movie. Cheap scares, bad acting, botched story, and plenty of loopholes make this movie a mom and pop store rent at best. Avoid this one if at all possible. 'The Grudge 2' gets a 1.5/5.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Mondays....
We all hate mondays. Keep your head up though because tomorrow is tuesday! That means new DVD's! Here's what you can look forward to:
Orphan(2009)- A husband and wife who recently lost their baby adopt a 9-year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be.
Night of the Creeps(1986)- Alien brain parasites, entering humans through the mouth, turn their host into a killing zombie. A group of teenagers fight for survival against the evil alien spawn.
Tales from the Darkside Season 2- An '80's televison show containing many different eerie and weird episodes.
Black Devil Doll(2007)- Five hot, sexy, young, big-breasted chicks are raped, abused, tortured, and killed (?) by an evil jive-ass talking doll possessed by the spirit of an executed black militant death row inmate.
Blood Night: The Legend of Molly Hatchet(2009)- A group of teenagers celebrating the anniversary of the death of a local axe murderer suddenly find themselves face to face with the realities of this haunting urban legend.
Stan Helsing(2009)- It's Halloween night, and slacker video clerk Stan Helsing along with his sexy ex-girlfriend, best buddy and an exotic dancer/'massage therapist' - detours into a town cursed by the biggest monsters in movie history: Freddy, Jason, Pinhead, Leatherface, Chucky, & Michael Myers.
Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown(2008)- A chronicle of the life, work and mind that created the Cthulhu mythos.
Fear(s) of the Dark(2007)- Several scary black-and-white animated segments in different styles appeal to our fear(s) of the dark.
The Asphyx(1973)- If It Were In Your Power...Would You Sacrifice Your Wife...Your Children For Immortality? This Is The Story Of A Man Who Did!
Night of Death!(1980)- Martine, the new staff nurse, is about to discover the horrifying secret of Deadlock House! A secret so horrifying, she may not live to see the dawn.
The Butcher(2009)- Told entirely through two POV video cameras, THE BUTCHER throws you abruptly into the middle of chaos and death: a handful of people have been abducted and lie bloodied and bound on the floor of a rotting slaughterhouse. Nearby, a team of snuff film producers are discussing their gruesome handiwork: torturing their captives to death, one by one.
Dead Air(2009)- Logan Burnhardt is the ego-king of the airwaves, but his unflappable persona is put to the test when a terrorist bio-attack unleashes a plague of flesh-ripping maniacs on Los Angeles.
Evil Face(1974)- Kinski is a 19th century doctor who starts dabbling in RE-ANIMATION when he finds an old laboratory in his basement. Things go terribly wrong in the lab and he screws up his own good/evil balance!
For Sale By Owner(2009)- One man's journey to find his past leads him to discover the secret to one of America's most haunting mysteries.
Breaking Nikki(2009)- A call girl is hired to play the part of a client's ex-wife. However, little does she realize that she is the victim of his dark revenge, as she finds herself trapped in a sick game that is about to spiral bloodily out of control.
Deadlands 2:Trapped(2008)- When the US gov't tests a highly secret nerve gas on the residents of Hagerstown, MD the side effects bring down a world of horrors for 6 strangers trapped inside a movie theater.
I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle(1990)- When a motorbike gang kills an occultist, the evil spirit he was summoning inhabits a damaged bike. The bike is then bought and restored, but reveals its true nature when it tries to exact vengance on the gang, and anyone else who gets in its way.
There you have it! A TON of movies to go check out tomorrow. Now take a deep breeath and keep repeating It's Only A Monday....It's Only A Monday....
Orphan(2009)- A husband and wife who recently lost their baby adopt a 9-year-old girl who is not nearly as innocent as she claims to be.
Night of the Creeps(1986)- Alien brain parasites, entering humans through the mouth, turn their host into a killing zombie. A group of teenagers fight for survival against the evil alien spawn.
Tales from the Darkside Season 2- An '80's televison show containing many different eerie and weird episodes.
Black Devil Doll(2007)- Five hot, sexy, young, big-breasted chicks are raped, abused, tortured, and killed (?) by an evil jive-ass talking doll possessed by the spirit of an executed black militant death row inmate.
Blood Night: The Legend of Molly Hatchet(2009)- A group of teenagers celebrating the anniversary of the death of a local axe murderer suddenly find themselves face to face with the realities of this haunting urban legend.
Stan Helsing(2009)- It's Halloween night, and slacker video clerk Stan Helsing along with his sexy ex-girlfriend, best buddy and an exotic dancer/'massage therapist' - detours into a town cursed by the biggest monsters in movie history: Freddy, Jason, Pinhead, Leatherface, Chucky, & Michael Myers.
Lovecraft: Fear of the Unknown(2008)- A chronicle of the life, work and mind that created the Cthulhu mythos.
Fear(s) of the Dark(2007)- Several scary black-and-white animated segments in different styles appeal to our fear(s) of the dark.
The Asphyx(1973)- If It Were In Your Power...Would You Sacrifice Your Wife...Your Children For Immortality? This Is The Story Of A Man Who Did!
Night of Death!(1980)- Martine, the new staff nurse, is about to discover the horrifying secret of Deadlock House! A secret so horrifying, she may not live to see the dawn.
The Butcher(2009)- Told entirely through two POV video cameras, THE BUTCHER throws you abruptly into the middle of chaos and death: a handful of people have been abducted and lie bloodied and bound on the floor of a rotting slaughterhouse. Nearby, a team of snuff film producers are discussing their gruesome handiwork: torturing their captives to death, one by one.
Dead Air(2009)- Logan Burnhardt is the ego-king of the airwaves, but his unflappable persona is put to the test when a terrorist bio-attack unleashes a plague of flesh-ripping maniacs on Los Angeles.
Evil Face(1974)- Kinski is a 19th century doctor who starts dabbling in RE-ANIMATION when he finds an old laboratory in his basement. Things go terribly wrong in the lab and he screws up his own good/evil balance!
For Sale By Owner(2009)- One man's journey to find his past leads him to discover the secret to one of America's most haunting mysteries.
Breaking Nikki(2009)- A call girl is hired to play the part of a client's ex-wife. However, little does she realize that she is the victim of his dark revenge, as she finds herself trapped in a sick game that is about to spiral bloodily out of control.
Deadlands 2:Trapped(2008)- When the US gov't tests a highly secret nerve gas on the residents of Hagerstown, MD the side effects bring down a world of horrors for 6 strangers trapped inside a movie theater.
I Bought A Vampire Motorcycle(1990)- When a motorbike gang kills an occultist, the evil spirit he was summoning inhabits a damaged bike. The bike is then bought and restored, but reveals its true nature when it tries to exact vengance on the gang, and anyone else who gets in its way.
There you have it! A TON of movies to go check out tomorrow. Now take a deep breeath and keep repeating It's Only A Monday....It's Only A Monday....
Saturday, October 24, 2009
You Ruined My Party!
My Super Psycho Sweet 16(2009)Directed By: Jacob Gentry
Written By: Jed Elinoff and Scott Alan Thomas
I know what you're thinking. Why, Ben, why? Well let me explain. First of all, the plot. An outcast girl decides to crash her main enemy's sweet 16 birthday party. Little does anyone know, she's not the only one crashing the celebration. OK now here's why I took the time to watch this MTV movie. We all have heard of the stupid reality TV shows with the spoiled rich kids who won't shut the fuck up and whine about everything. Haven't you ever felt the urge to wring their piece of shit necks? I have. Let me tell you though, watching them get picked off one by one in this movie was a blast. For a made for TV movie, the production values were surprisingly high and the kills surprisingly good. From being beaten with a fire extinguisher, to decapitated while roller skating, this film delivers the gorey goods. 'My Super Psycho Sweet 16' is by no means a great or instant classic movie, but I think the makers knew that when the began writing the screenplay. The killer was kind of poorly thought out costume wise but his back story was relatively good. I wish the makers would have skipped on the love triangle drama and just piled on the bodies but beggars can't be choosers. Now I would love to see either a sequel to this for next year or another reality show turned into horror movie. I don't think I will ever get tired of seeing the stereotypical MTV reality star get offed in a creative, gorey way. 'My Super Psycho Sweet 16' gets a surprising 3/5.
Friday, October 23, 2009
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